By Vivvek Johar · 12 Jul 2026
How to start a conversation at a networking event without the awkwardness
How do you start a conversation at a networking event without feeling awkward? You walk over, make easy eye contact, and open with one honest line about the thing you are both standing in the middle of. That is the whole move. No clever opener, no rehearsed pitch. A warm observation or a simple question does more than any script, because it tells the other person you are a normal human, not someone hunting for a sale.
The awkwardness you feel is not a flaw in your personality. It is just the gap between wanting to connect and not knowing the first thing to say. This page closes that gap. You get the mindset shift that takes the pressure off, seven openers that never feel forced, a calm way to join a group, and a graceful way to leave. Use one idea tonight and the room will feel very different.
Stop trying to be interesting. Get curious instead.
Most of the pressure at a networking event comes from one silent belief: that you have to walk in and perform. Be impressive. Say the smart thing. Have the perfect line ready. That belief is exactly what makes your mind go blank at the worst moment.
Here is the swap that changes everything. Your job in the first sixty seconds is not to be interesting. It is to be interested. The moment you decide that your only task is to make one other person feel a little more comfortable, the spotlight moves off you, and the words come easily. Nobody remembers whether your opener was clever. They remember that you were warm and easy to talk to.
“People remember how you made them feel, not how smart you were. So walk in planning to make someone feel seen, not planning to impress them.”Vivvek Johar
Two small reframes make this real in the moment:
- Everyone else is a little nervous too. The confident looking person by the coffee is often just as unsure how to begin. Your warm hello is a relief to them, not an intrusion.
- You are not interrupting. You are joining. A networking event exists so that strangers can talk to each other. Walking up is not rude. It is the entire point of the room.
7 openers that never feel forced
Each one works because it is honest and easy to answer. Pick two or three that sound like you, and stop hunting for the perfect line.
The shared situation
Comment on the thing you are both experiencing right now. It needs no preparation and it is impossible to get wrong.
“This is my first time at one of these. Have you been before?” or “The turnout is bigger than I expected. Do you know most of the room?”
The honest confession
Name the awkwardness out loud. It instantly makes you relatable and gives the other person permission to relax too.
“I always find the first five minutes of these events a bit awkward, so I decided to just come and say hello. I am Vivvek.”
The genuine compliment plus a question
Notice one real thing, then attach a question so it opens a door instead of ending in a thank you.
“That was a sharp point you made in the session. What got you interested in that area?”
The simple ask for help
People love to be useful, and a small request is a warm, low pressure way in.
“You look like you know your way around. Is the good coffee on this side or the other?” or “Have you heard any of the speakers before? I am trying to decide which session to catch.”
The what brings you here
The classic for a reason. It is open, friendly, and lets the other person choose how much to share.
“So what brings you to this one? Work, curiosity, or the free samosas?”
The reconnect
For a face you half recognise from LinkedIn or a past event. Warm, specific, and it makes the other person feel remembered.
“I think we are connected on LinkedIn. You are the one who writes about hiring, right? I have been meaning to say hello in person.”
The rescue
Spot someone standing alone and go to them. It is the kindest opener of all, and that person will remember you for it.
“Mind if I join you? I did not know many people here either. I am Vivvek.”
Notice what all seven have in common. Not one of them is a pitch. Each simply hands the other person an easy thing to say back.
How to join a group without hovering
Walking up to two or three people already deep in conversation feels far harder than approaching one person. It does not have to. Here is the calm way to do it.
- Read the shape first. Look for a group standing in a loose horseshoe with a gap, not a tight, closed circle. The open shape is a quiet invitation. The closed one is a private moment, so leave it be and find another.
- Approach the edge and make soft eye contact. Stand near, catch the eye of the friendliest looking person, and give a small nod and smile. Nine times out of ten someone will widen the circle to include you.
- Listen before you speak. Do not barge in with your own topic. Catch the thread of what they are already discussing, then add one line to it. “Sorry to jump in, I could not help overhearing the point about referrals. Do you find they mostly come from clients or from peers?”
- Introduce yourself at the first natural pause. Once you have added value to their conversation, a simple “I am Vivvek, by the way” lands easily and the group folds you in.
The whole trick is to add to the conversation that already exists before you try to steer it. You are a guest joining a table, not a host taking it over.
How to exit a conversation gracefully
Half the reason people avoid starting conversations is a quiet fear of being trapped in one. Learn to leave well and that fear disappears, which makes starting far easier. The secret is to close with warmth and a reason, never to drift away or invent a fake phone call.
A clean exit has three small parts: a genuine line about the chat, a clear reason to move, and a next step if you want one.
- “I have really enjoyed this. I am going to grab a coffee and say hello to a few more people, but let us stay in touch. Are you on LinkedIn?”
- “This has been a great chat. I do not want to keep you from the room. Can I get your card so I can send you that article I mentioned?”
- “It was lovely to meet you. I promised myself I would meet a few new faces tonight, so I will make a move, but I would love to continue this.”
Leaving to go and meet other people is completely normal at a networking event. Said warmly, it flatters the person you are leaving rather than snubbing them, because you have named the connection and offered a way to keep it.
The 60:40 rule: listen more than you speak
Once the conversation is going, one simple habit makes you the person everyone wants to talk to. Aim to listen about sixty percent of the time and speak about forty. Let the other person do a little more of the talking than you do.
This feels backwards when you are nervous, because nerves make us want to fill every silence and prove ourselves. Resist it. The person who asks a warm follow up question is remembered as a wonderful conversationalist, even though they said very little. Try these instead of jumping in with your own story:
- “That is interesting. What happened next?”
- “Why do you think that worked so well?”
- “How did you get into that in the first place?”
Sixty and forty, not ninety and ten. You are having a conversation, not conducting an interview, so share your own experiences too. Just let curiosity lead. As we say in the HXN method, open the person before you try to open any door. People remember the person who was genuinely interested in them long after they forget everyone who was busy being impressive.
Common questions
What if the conversation goes quiet and turns awkward?
A short pause is normal and it is not your job to fill every one. If it stretches, reach for the room around you or circle back to something the person said earlier. “You mentioned you just moved to Chandigarh. How are you finding it?” If it has simply run its course, that is your cue to use a warm exit line, not a sign that you did anything wrong.
I am an introvert. Do I have to work the whole room?
No, and please do not try to. Working the room is a myth that helps nobody. Set a small, kind goal instead, such as two or three real conversations for the evening. One good chat that leads to a genuine follow up beats twenty rushed handshakes every time. Quiet and curious beats loud and forgettable.
How do I introduce what I do without sounding like a pitch?
Wait until you are asked, then answer in one warm human sentence about the problem you solve, not your job title. “I help professionals who find networking awkward turn it into real relationships.” Then hand the conversation straight back with a question. The goal early on is to be liked and remembered, not to sell. The selling takes care of itself later.
Want these openers in your pocket?
Networking is just not working if you are not prepared. Grab the free HXN Networking Cheat Sheet: the seven openers, the graceful exits, and the follow up lines, all on one page you can glance at before you walk in.
No cost, no spam. Just the practical moves, ready for your next event.
A word from Vivvek
Stop trying to be interesting. Be interested, and you will never run out of things to say.
Vivvek Johar
Here is how that sounds in a real room:
